God's Appointed Time (Testimonial) P1
***This post is specially made for those who are truly interested in hearing and rejoicing in one of my many Testimonies!
Part 1:
When one of my FB (Facebook) friends commented on a previous post stating that they'd love to hear my Testimony, I immediately though to myself..."hmmm, which one should I share? Where would I even begin?" That's only because life has definitely been a journey for me. So, instead of giving my entire life Testimony or going in chronological order, I've decided to start this Testimonial off with something that's more relevant to my recent Social Media postings regarding my Breaking News.
BREAKING NEWS!!!
***I am NOW, as of 11/23/2013, 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant***
Yep, PREGNANT! I couldn't believe it either when my doctor showed me the results. All I could do at that moment was say "Wow! Really? Pregnant?" Then I sat there looking at the paper with the results and Diagnosis code, with my mouth wide open.
For those who never could understand how is it that a woman doesn't know that she's pregnant, well, here's an easy answer to that. Simply put, every woman's body is different. Not every woman's menstrual cycle is exactly the same. Some women's cycle comes on the regular, like clockwork every month; whereas others, like myself, is often irregular. So, if an irregularity occurs, then a woman wouldn't think anything of it, especially if there are no other signs or symptoms.
However, on the contrary for me, I knew something was going on with my body; because I started experiencing pain in my left side, in my pelvic area. I honestly thought it was just a bladder infection since I had been going to the restroom a lot. Since I had never experience a bladder infection, I didn't know what to expect or how I should feel. Since the pain continued off and on for about 2-3 weeks, I decided that it was time to see my doctor, which resulted in me finding out that it wasn't a bladder infection after all, but rather pregnancy instead. Talk about a total shock! Many of my family members are still in shock. LOL...
Why is it so shocking you ask? Well, here's where the testimony begins...
I've always had a specific plan for my life; but as I grew older I had come to realize that things don't always go as planned. My plan was to get married by the time I was 25, have my first child BEFORE 30, have a great career, and life happily ever after. Ha! Yeah right!
I've always had a motto: "Ring before swing", which basically means that I've always wanted to be married BEFORE bringing a child into this world; as I did not, no I refused, to become another statistic, another Single, Black mother. I've seen how hard it is for a single Black mother to try and do the best she can for her child or children, struggling along the way. I've always told myself to do whatever was necessary to make sure it never happens. However, my mindset changed when I was about 21 or 22. Boy was I young, foolish, and naive at the time. I totally ignored many of my own rules, morals, and/or values. By doing so, I put myself in certain situations that could've resulted in me becoming the very statistic that I had vowed not to become, the single, struggling, Black mother. I was in a relationship with this guy I had met when I was in college. We were together for about 2 years. The reason I say I was foolish and naive is because not once did we use protection. I was gone! I was sprung! I was dickmatized (whipped)! Yep...we've all been there, I'm sure.
Although in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't the right guy to be trying to have a baby with, I still allowed myself to be open to the idea. He wasn't the right guy because eventually he showed his true colors. There was no devotion, no financial stability, no future plan, no goals, and not to mention the lies and infidelity, which resulted in him putting our health at risk more than once.
You know there's a saying: When its done the first time, shame on you. When its done the second time, then shame on me. Well I'll be darn if there will be a third time. After all the lies, the cheating, the hurt, etc...I eventually had to let him go, as he was not the man God had for me.
I had always been taught to be specific in my prayers when praying for a mate. It took some years of hard-hardheadedness before I finally realized how important that was.
So, after that breakup, I spent some time alone. Instead of praying specifically about the kind of man I wanted, I spent some time wallowing in my own self-pity, feeling depressed and saddened, especially around the holidays; because I was tired of spending holidays without a man. I was tired of going to family get-togethers alone. Many nights I'd cry myself to sleep, dwelling on what I didn't have and all the heartache I had endured in past relationships. There were even times when I'd stay locked up in my dorm room at college with the lights on, music playing, while tucked under the blanket crying my eyes out, all because of a man! I'd cry because he chose to put his friends before me. I'd cry when he wouldn't spend quality time with me. I'd cry and get frustrated whenever I blew up his phone and he wouldn't call me back. I just cried and wondered why.
Well, eventually the tears had stopped. Although I was still a little hurt, the pain wasn't as bad when I had met the next guy, who had soon become my husband. Yep, I got married.
At least that part of my plan came true. I got married at the age of 25, but who knew I'd be divorced by 32, before conceiving any children. So much for my plans on having kids BEFORE 30. Not to say that my ex-husband and I didn't try to have kids, it just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't my time to be a mother.
I truly believe that only God is the giver of Life. He always knows what's best for us. He knows what we need before we even ask or think. Furthermore, I really believe that He had closed my womb all that time for a specific reason or purpose. He knew all the chaos that would go on within the marriage as well as the other relationships. He knew that there were things I needed to work on first before I could be fully capable of loving, nurturing, or birthing another human being into this world.
God saw all the times I had cried myself to sleep. He saw all the times when I had overlooked my own morals and values, and still saw fit to look after me or protect me. He knew that there was no way that I'd be able to handle death, divorce, and single motherhood all at the same time. The Word of God says that He won't put no more on us than we can bare. I truly believe that; and as I think back on all the times I thought I wouldn't make it through, I can't help but to trust and believe that All will be well.
Can you imagine a person coping with a sibling dying of AIDS, being served with divorce papers AFTER the funeral, and worry about trying to explain to a child why his/her father isn't around? My point exactly! With all the stress I was already under, I was and still am thankful and grateful that the Lord had not allowed me to conceive during such a devastating time in my life.
Part 1:
When one of my FB (Facebook) friends commented on a previous post stating that they'd love to hear my Testimony, I immediately though to myself..."hmmm, which one should I share? Where would I even begin?" That's only because life has definitely been a journey for me. So, instead of giving my entire life Testimony or going in chronological order, I've decided to start this Testimonial off with something that's more relevant to my recent Social Media postings regarding my Breaking News.
BREAKING NEWS!!!
***I am NOW, as of 11/23/2013, 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant***
Yep, PREGNANT! I couldn't believe it either when my doctor showed me the results. All I could do at that moment was say "Wow! Really? Pregnant?" Then I sat there looking at the paper with the results and Diagnosis code, with my mouth wide open.
For those who never could understand how is it that a woman doesn't know that she's pregnant, well, here's an easy answer to that. Simply put, every woman's body is different. Not every woman's menstrual cycle is exactly the same. Some women's cycle comes on the regular, like clockwork every month; whereas others, like myself, is often irregular. So, if an irregularity occurs, then a woman wouldn't think anything of it, especially if there are no other signs or symptoms.
However, on the contrary for me, I knew something was going on with my body; because I started experiencing pain in my left side, in my pelvic area. I honestly thought it was just a bladder infection since I had been going to the restroom a lot. Since I had never experience a bladder infection, I didn't know what to expect or how I should feel. Since the pain continued off and on for about 2-3 weeks, I decided that it was time to see my doctor, which resulted in me finding out that it wasn't a bladder infection after all, but rather pregnancy instead. Talk about a total shock! Many of my family members are still in shock. LOL...
Why is it so shocking you ask? Well, here's where the testimony begins...
I've always had a specific plan for my life; but as I grew older I had come to realize that things don't always go as planned. My plan was to get married by the time I was 25, have my first child BEFORE 30, have a great career, and life happily ever after. Ha! Yeah right!
I've always had a motto: "Ring before swing", which basically means that I've always wanted to be married BEFORE bringing a child into this world; as I did not, no I refused, to become another statistic, another Single, Black mother. I've seen how hard it is for a single Black mother to try and do the best she can for her child or children, struggling along the way. I've always told myself to do whatever was necessary to make sure it never happens. However, my mindset changed when I was about 21 or 22. Boy was I young, foolish, and naive at the time. I totally ignored many of my own rules, morals, and/or values. By doing so, I put myself in certain situations that could've resulted in me becoming the very statistic that I had vowed not to become, the single, struggling, Black mother. I was in a relationship with this guy I had met when I was in college. We were together for about 2 years. The reason I say I was foolish and naive is because not once did we use protection. I was gone! I was sprung! I was dickmatized (whipped)! Yep...we've all been there, I'm sure.
Although in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't the right guy to be trying to have a baby with, I still allowed myself to be open to the idea. He wasn't the right guy because eventually he showed his true colors. There was no devotion, no financial stability, no future plan, no goals, and not to mention the lies and infidelity, which resulted in him putting our health at risk more than once.
You know there's a saying: When its done the first time, shame on you. When its done the second time, then shame on me. Well I'll be darn if there will be a third time. After all the lies, the cheating, the hurt, etc...I eventually had to let him go, as he was not the man God had for me.
I had always been taught to be specific in my prayers when praying for a mate. It took some years of hard-hardheadedness before I finally realized how important that was.
So, after that breakup, I spent some time alone. Instead of praying specifically about the kind of man I wanted, I spent some time wallowing in my own self-pity, feeling depressed and saddened, especially around the holidays; because I was tired of spending holidays without a man. I was tired of going to family get-togethers alone. Many nights I'd cry myself to sleep, dwelling on what I didn't have and all the heartache I had endured in past relationships. There were even times when I'd stay locked up in my dorm room at college with the lights on, music playing, while tucked under the blanket crying my eyes out, all because of a man! I'd cry because he chose to put his friends before me. I'd cry when he wouldn't spend quality time with me. I'd cry and get frustrated whenever I blew up his phone and he wouldn't call me back. I just cried and wondered why.
Well, eventually the tears had stopped. Although I was still a little hurt, the pain wasn't as bad when I had met the next guy, who had soon become my husband. Yep, I got married.
At least that part of my plan came true. I got married at the age of 25, but who knew I'd be divorced by 32, before conceiving any children. So much for my plans on having kids BEFORE 30. Not to say that my ex-husband and I didn't try to have kids, it just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't my time to be a mother.
I truly believe that only God is the giver of Life. He always knows what's best for us. He knows what we need before we even ask or think. Furthermore, I really believe that He had closed my womb all that time for a specific reason or purpose. He knew all the chaos that would go on within the marriage as well as the other relationships. He knew that there were things I needed to work on first before I could be fully capable of loving, nurturing, or birthing another human being into this world.
God saw all the times I had cried myself to sleep. He saw all the times when I had overlooked my own morals and values, and still saw fit to look after me or protect me. He knew that there was no way that I'd be able to handle death, divorce, and single motherhood all at the same time. The Word of God says that He won't put no more on us than we can bare. I truly believe that; and as I think back on all the times I thought I wouldn't make it through, I can't help but to trust and believe that All will be well.
Can you imagine a person coping with a sibling dying of AIDS, being served with divorce papers AFTER the funeral, and worry about trying to explain to a child why his/her father isn't around? My point exactly! With all the stress I was already under, I was and still am thankful and grateful that the Lord had not allowed me to conceive during such a devastating time in my life.
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